Chris Davies
Guest Poet
The old pilot awoke with a start and sat up on the edge of the bed. His heart was racing, and he took deep breaths to force himself to relax. A sheen of perspiration chilled him, and he began to shiver. The same dream had plagued him for nearly fifty years, and he never went more than a few days without its unwelcome presence.
His wife slept soundly next to him, and he took comfort in her even breathing, trying to match the rhythm with his own. He had re-lived that bombing run a thousand times, but it never left him. He banked away from the small encampment and caught the explosion out of the corner of his eye. On his second run, he saw people escaping from the burning chaos, and he began to strafe with the machine guns mounted on the wings of his F-4. He could see that the escapees were carrying rifles, and he knew from the briefing that these were the killers who had terrorized the surrounding villages. Yet, one woman turned to look at him, and he could sense her fear. It was too late, and before he could disengage, she was down. He rejoined his flight of four and returned to Danang.
The sortee was deemed a success, and there were lots of high-fives and cheering as they debriefed. He knew that the mission had been a good one and that the local villages would be much safer, but he could not forget the woman’s face. He wasn’t even sure if he could give a detailed description of her features, but the image of terror was clearly imprinted.
“You going to the O-Club with us, Major?” one of his squadron asked. “You said you’d buy if we took out the bad guys.”
“Yeah, sure. Give me a minute – go ahead and order on my tab.”
He showered and still couldn’t shake her face. He’d bombed lots of installations, and knew he was doing a necessary job. He felt no guilt, but that fearful face made him question his humanity. He only had a few weeks left of his tour, and he couldn’t even remember the face of his wife. His children would have grown, and he couldn’t recall their sweet faces with the clarity that he saw the woman’s grimace of terror.
As he slowly calmed himself, his wife stirred. He laid back down, put his arm around her and was finally able to go back to sleep – until the next time.
