Mac Thompson
After this latest massacre – all those students down in Parkland, Florida – our leaders, President {Donald} Trump and Kansas Gov. {Jeff} Colyer as well, have come out with the idea that we should arm teachers in our schools to better protect the students from sociopathic killers armed with automatic weapons. Hear, hear! That’s the sort of leadership to which we have become accustomed, thank God, and God bless America, too. And I intend to be amoung the first of our teachers to go ahead and pistol on up, yo.
Trump and Colyer’s leadership excellence has been furthered by our Kansas legislature recently deciding that students should be allowed to carry concealed weapons on campus at 18 years of age, as reported in the Butler Lantern. I’m sure that we all feel better knowing that 18-year olds are going to be packing right here at BCC. I know that I sure feel safer now.
Now, some may say that 18-year-olds, who aren’t even trusted with 3.2 beer, should not be trusted to carry concealed weaponry, which can easily kill with the flick of a finger, but they’re obviously over-reacting. After all, these kids will have to go through eight whole hours of training! That’s reassuring. After all, I know from my personal experience that many 18-year-old students, after eight hours in my classroom, can almost identify a verb in a simple sentence! What could possibly go wrong?
I know that some of you are going to say “Hey, Thompson! You’re not even American; you’re a Canuck – is this some sort of trickery? Love it or leave it!” Yeah, and this is right where I find that I, too, have to start packing. Because yes, being Canadian, I am well aware that sensible gun control laws lead to a safe and secure population who doesn’t suffer massacres every week. And that any credible civil state will work to allow free gun ownership for sport and protection while at the same time protecting their civilian population from repeated armed attack with unregulated automatic weapons. But hey – here we are! I’m not up North anymore. And when in Rome….
So, I need to carry too. If teachers are to carry, as Trump and Colyer suggest, I shouldn’t even conceal the weapon; it will serve as a better deterrent if I sport a big old Colt. 45 in a holster – or even better, two! like John Wayne. And I should be supplied with a weapon and ammunition, and money for time down at the range as professional development, and get paid extra for it, too.
And then when a car in the parking lot backfires, and some untrained 18-year-old yahoo hauls out his piece, where upon other panic-stricken and untrained students start to pull guns out of their belts and armpits too, I’ll be prepared, right? Because when I hit the ground and roll, I’d better be able to come up with something in my hand too, right?